the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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