one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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