she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
