I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
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she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
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Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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