I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
