Texts From Last Night

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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.

  (1-781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.

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  (781): Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning. (1-781): I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon. http://tfl.nu/wxu1
  Replies (19) Good night (6171) Bad night (677)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.

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  (617): I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw. http://tfl.nu/9aqz
  Replies (17) Good night (4741) Bad night (1034)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration

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  (313): Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration http://tfl.nu/0qdd
  Replies (12) Good night (2491) Bad night (1216)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...

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  (517): She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name... http://tfl.nu/ngxr
  Replies (17) Good night (4913) Bad night (951)
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  (276): View more from Virginia

  I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.

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  (276): I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences. http://tfl.nu/f9jw
  Replies (8) Good night (3310) Bad night (802)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.

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  (407): Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary. http://tfl.nu/ntpi
  Replies (4) Good night (1875) Bad night (584)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought

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  (318): Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought http://tfl.nu/rg7p
  Replies (11) Good night (2073) Bad night (799)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.

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  (651): I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen. http://tfl.nu/ant7
  Replies (9) Good night (2540) Bad night (630)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis

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  (970): Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis http://tfl.nu/gujt
  Replies (14) Good night (3757) Bad night (716)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.

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  (563): I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows. http://tfl.nu/yvop
  Replies (10) Good night (742) Bad night (1295)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?

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  (716): Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog? http://tfl.nu/399r
  Replies (5) Good night (820) Bad night (417)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one

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  (775): Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one http://tfl.nu/6mot
  Replies (7) Good night (370) Bad night (1113)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.

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  (507): The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER. http://tfl.nu/0t63
  Replies (3) Good night (1037) Bad night (281)
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  (408): View more from California

  I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"

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  (408): I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat" http://tfl.nu/81wz
  Replies (0) Good night (551) Bad night (283)
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  (415): View more from California

  I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms

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  (415): I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms http://tfl.nu/hvko
  Replies (0) Good night (102) Bad night (198)

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