my computer doesn't work...
i puked on it last night
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.