I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.