HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.