NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level