if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
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I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
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Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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