I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.