Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
