on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.