Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!