Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
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I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.