I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
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Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow