god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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