i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
