there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
