Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
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