I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
this boner is exhausting
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
