I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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