we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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