If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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