Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Randomize
