it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
