I looked at my own cervix.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
