This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
