i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
