No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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