i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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