Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
