i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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