My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
