I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
