I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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