singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
