My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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