Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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