cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
