I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My vagina just clenched in fear
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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