Have you finally orgasmed yet?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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