I'm going to jail i love you
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
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