Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
