I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
