ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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