The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
