If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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