and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
