she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
