we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
This house was built for laser tag.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
