Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize