I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
