I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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