i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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