I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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