Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
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tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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