well I can't set my house on fire every night
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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