I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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