This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
