I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
