Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
