ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
