If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
