hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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