I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
