Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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