we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Welp...herpes.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
