Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
barbara walters just said penis...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
