I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
