Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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