is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
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