I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
