dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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