who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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