epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
