im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
