Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
