We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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