How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
