i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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