What a fucking waste of an outfit
i think i have herpe
just one?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
