I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
