don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
