We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
smell my finger.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
