I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
worst night to have a conscience
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
